Venus, Mars and Candy Bars No. 1 - Apr. 22, 2015

          It’s been said that women are allotted 25,000 words per day and men 5,000. When a guy comes home from work he’s already used up his allotment and can only grunt and sigh in response to any query from his spouse. Women however, have to continue to speak until their allotment is used up. If true, this would explain the inordinate, at least to the male mind, use of the telephone and other communication devices by women (how could I have ever encouraged my wife to start a Facebook page), as well as some of the difficulties in understanding your spouse.

One of the great movie lines of all time was spoken by Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke – “What we have here is failure to communicate”. It’s obvious we all understand the significance of communication and can advise other of its critical importance in marriage. But are we practicing what we preach? Reminds me of the quip “Hey, take my advice, I’m obviously not using any of it”. So, at the end of the day, how can we better communicate with our wives?

The key to solving any problem is to first realize that it exists and to try and understand its nature. We first must realize that men and women communicate in different ways. From That Hideous Strength is a passage that yields some insight into the issue:

“There are no servants here,” said mother Dimble, “and we all do the work. The women do it one day and the men the next. What? No, it’s a very sensible arrangement. The Director’s idea is that men and women can’t do housework together without quarreling. There’s something in it. Of course, it doesn’t do to look at the cups too closely on the men’s day, but on the whole we get along pretty well.”

            “But why should they quarrel”” asked Jane.

            “Different methods, my dear. Men can’t help in a job, you know. They can be induced to do it: not to help while you’re doing it. At least it makes them grumpy.”

            “The cardinal difficulty,” said MacPhee, “in collaboration between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns. If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, ‘Put this bowl inside the bigger bowl which you’ll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.’ The female for this is, ‘Put that in the other one in there.’ And then you ask them, ‘in where?’ they say, ‘in there, of course.’ There is consequently a phatic hiatus.” He pronounced this so as to rhyme with “get at us.” ” end of quote.

I recently heard a rule for marriage that makes some sense. It says that a wife can tell you what to do, or how to do something, but not both. My wife and I are both control freaks and this rule has brought some relief to our relationship. As a personal example, I appreciate a reasonably organized kitchen. My wife goes on cleaning binges but not on a daily basis and I experienced years of frustration going in to the kitchen to do something and plowing through the chaos. The solution came as a blinding light – if I wanted an organized kitchen – I could do it myself. What a revelation (and relief) for both of us.

Blessed Father

You have given us such a wonderful example

In your living Word.

Patience,

Kindness,

Grace,

Mercy.

Help us mighty Abba

To practice these virtues with our wives.

To turn off the world

And listen.

To be the servant leaders

You call us to be.