Let’s discuss physical attraction.
Whether you think Dickens has anything in common with Mario Puzo or not, they
both give a wonderful description of an all consuming physical attraction of a
man for a woman. Dickens in Copperfield
(I believe - maybe Nickelby) describes a desire so strong that jealousy and
violence are thoughts if the man sees his heart’s desire kiss her father
goodnight. Puzo describes Michael’s desire to possess as the “thunderbolt”
which leaves a man reeling and unbalanced and focused on nothing but the
consummation of that desire.
My belief is that initial physical
attraction is necessary to begin a relationship and that it comes from Abba;
men more from the physical side and women more from the desire to be desired.
CS Lewis wrote a fascinating space
trilogy with the final book being “That Hideous Strength”. In that book, a
young wife is struggling with her concept of marriage as an institution of
equality. In walking through a garden
she thinks:
“Freud said we liked gardens
because they were symbols of the female body. But that must be a man’s point of
view. Presumably gardens meant something different in women’s dreams. Or did
they? Did men and women both feel interested in the female body and even,
though it sounded ridiculous, in almost the same way? A sentence rose to her
memory. “The beauty of the female is the root of joy to the female as well as
the male, and it is no accident the goddess of love is older than the god …. To
desire the desiring of her own beauty is the vanity of Lilith, but to desire
the enjoying of her own beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both it is in
the lover that the beloved tastes her own delightfulness. As obedience is the
stairway of pleasure, so humility is the …””.
In
other words, the delight of a woman is in the desire expressed by her lover.
While we are talking here about the physical aspect, there is no denying the
mental and spiritual components as well.
Most of us average joes have seen
some little dork with a beautiful woman and wondered how in the world is that
possible and what is his secret. I’m sure there are isolated cases of money, or
family, or physical endowment or the gift of gab or some other such triviality;
however, it is postulated here that the secret is in the desire of the lover
and its expression. Think about it in your own life experience, what is more
ego boosting than to have someone desire you, even if it is not someone you
would normally look at twice.
It’s obvious from looking around
that most people have some degree of physical attraction that ignites
relationships and results in marriage. I heard somewhere that “all 19 year old
girls are beautiful”, and it must be true considering all the matches that are
made.
Another
thing should be said about physical attraction and it can be expressed in a
great line from what was a semi-popular film. John Belushi and Blair Brown
starred in a 1981 movie (whoa – I almost called it an old movie, which I guess
it now is) named Continental Divide.
Souchak (Belushi) is a journalist in Chicago who writes exposés about crime and
has to escape for a time to the Rocky Mountains .
He meets Porter (Brown), an ornithologist
and through mutual dislike (a powerful aphrodisiac) they eventually fall in
love. After returning to Chicago , Souchak is
heart broken but eventually returns to journalism – until Porter visits Chicago
The two renew their relationship until they finally decide their lives
require separation. Souchak sees Porter off at the train station and then
decides to accompany her to the next stop, and the next and the next. Showing
up at her compartment one time, Souchak says “You’re so beautiful”, to which
Porter replies “No I’m not, you’re just in love”. Now, we all know that Blair
Brown is indeed beautiful, but that’s beside the point. And it’s more than
“beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” as well. The physical and mental
attraction that initiates love and shared experiences creates the desire that
gives both satisfaction in the relationship, the male rejoicing in his desire
and the female in that she is the object of that desire.
You want to increase the happiness of your marriage? Start (figurative
and literally) chasing your wife around the house. I dated a beautiful young
lady when in college who’s Dad was a gynecologist. She related to me that her
Dad actually chased her Mom around the house. Your kids may act as if they
think it’s gross, but there was a sparkle in the eyes of the young lady telling
me this story. What can be more confidence building to a child than to see
physical evidence of their Father desiring their Mother.
Prov. 5: 18 – 21: “Let thy
fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the
loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be
thou always ravished with her love.”
Eccl. 9:9: “Live joyfully with
the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath
given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity; for that is thy portion
in this life, and in thy labor which thou takest under the sun.”
Blessed Father
We prostrate ourselves before thee,
And proclaim that Thou art Lord,
Perfect in all Thy ways
Have mercy on us holy Father and
Let thy grace rain down upon us.
Grant us Father the desire to seek Thee early,
To know Thee and see Thy power
We say we desire to know Thee
But fail to pray and fail to read Thy Word.
We shall begin today Father to read and pray
And trust in Thee.
We have distorted our own manhood
And Thy perfect concept of marriage;
Pursuing the desires of the flesh
External to the marriage bed
Grant us Father the path of
escape
And the will to walk through it.
As Thy servant Joseph fled from
sin
Let us flee as well,
Into Thy loving arms
As the prodigals we are.
We shall evermore delight in Thee
And rejoice in Thy kingdom.
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