Theorem No. 1 – All Women have Chocolate - Apr. 22, 2015

         You know, sometimes you just got to have a little bite of chocolate. Being a typical male whose only desire in life is immediate gratification, and who models typical male behavior in failing to prepare for such instances, I typically have to ask my wife where she’s hidden the chocolate. “We don’t have any” is a totally unacceptable response and usually results in a heated argument. After turning away from each other, and an acceptable amount of time to teach me the lesson I so richly deserve, it seems I always receive the necessary bite.

A couple of years ago, I was relating this theory to a wonderful lady who worked with me. Well guess what - a heated argument ensued. She was adamant that my theory was chauvinistic, and I was adamant that chauvinistic or not the theory was true. The tension lasted until a little before quitting time. As she was leaving for the day, this delightful lady came into my office and presented me with a tiny Tootsie Roll and said “I found this in my purse and had no idea it was there and still don’t believe your stupid male theory”.  I said “thank you” and smiled.

 

 

Venus, Mars and Candy Bars No. 2 - Apr. 22, 2015

          Greg Laurie gave a great teaching on the inherent friction that Abba created between the male and female. The scripture says:

Genesis 3:16 – “Unto the woman he said, … thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

The essence of Greg’s teaching is that the original language has the concept that a wife will desire to usurp the husband’s authority in the home, and that the husband will desire to be obnoxious in his use of his authority. Greg said both these attitudes are wrong and that we must struggle to overcome them.

Many men have confidence in their role, but the general failure of the family in our time has caused turbulence in the definition of our responsibilities. We need to confess our failures and turn to Christ for guidance in being the men we are supposed to be, and allow women to have the joy and confidence they will have when fulfilling the responsibilities God has given them.

I don’t mean to say that women are secondary to men in any sense. Women have tried to step up and fill the gaps that men have abdicated – in being the Christian leader in the home, in labor, in politics, in the rearing of children and so forth. But the notable absence of men in these areas is damaging to the culture.

We must remember that Christ Jesus gave great status to women and that scripture tells us clearly that we are to be servant leaders:

Eph. 5:25: “Husbands, love our wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it.”

Women have their own biblical instruction, but until we men get the log out of our own eyes, we can’t afford to be critical of our wives failure to live up to their responsibilities.

So what is our responsibility as husbands and fathers? Abba has given us the responsibility to be the priest in our home; to be the leader in service to God and our family. I don’t know why Abba did this – maybe because men have such fragile egos that they need to be given the authority. So what is the key? There’s an old story about a guy who refused to buy a remote control for his TV …. “It’ll be a sad day when I get so lazy I can’t tell my wife or daughter to go change the channel”. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right.

Mark 9:35 “… If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.”

            True servant leadership is not namby-pamby stuff but gives real power. Steve Brown tells a wonderful story about when his daughters were young. When he told them something they might do it reluctantly. When his wife told them to do something they would jump because she was always there for them in an attitude of service. You want power in your home? Start being a servant and you will get it. Jesus said so.

My Lord, my King, my Savior

Have mercy on me

And forgive my lack of service

To You and my family.

Strengthen me O Lord

And allow me to begin anew

To be a servant

And to fulfill my responsibilities.

Venus, Mars and Candy Bars No. 1 - Apr. 22, 2015

          It’s been said that women are allotted 25,000 words per day and men 5,000. When a guy comes home from work he’s already used up his allotment and can only grunt and sigh in response to any query from his spouse. Women however, have to continue to speak until their allotment is used up. If true, this would explain the inordinate, at least to the male mind, use of the telephone and other communication devices by women (how could I have ever encouraged my wife to start a Facebook page), as well as some of the difficulties in understanding your spouse.

One of the great movie lines of all time was spoken by Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke – “What we have here is failure to communicate”. It’s obvious we all understand the significance of communication and can advise other of its critical importance in marriage. But are we practicing what we preach? Reminds me of the quip “Hey, take my advice, I’m obviously not using any of it”. So, at the end of the day, how can we better communicate with our wives?

The key to solving any problem is to first realize that it exists and to try and understand its nature. We first must realize that men and women communicate in different ways. From That Hideous Strength is a passage that yields some insight into the issue:

“There are no servants here,” said mother Dimble, “and we all do the work. The women do it one day and the men the next. What? No, it’s a very sensible arrangement. The Director’s idea is that men and women can’t do housework together without quarreling. There’s something in it. Of course, it doesn’t do to look at the cups too closely on the men’s day, but on the whole we get along pretty well.”

            “But why should they quarrel”” asked Jane.

            “Different methods, my dear. Men can’t help in a job, you know. They can be induced to do it: not to help while you’re doing it. At least it makes them grumpy.”

            “The cardinal difficulty,” said MacPhee, “in collaboration between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns. If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, ‘Put this bowl inside the bigger bowl which you’ll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.’ The female for this is, ‘Put that in the other one in there.’ And then you ask them, ‘in where?’ they say, ‘in there, of course.’ There is consequently a phatic hiatus.” He pronounced this so as to rhyme with “get at us.” ” end of quote.

I recently heard a rule for marriage that makes some sense. It says that a wife can tell you what to do, or how to do something, but not both. My wife and I are both control freaks and this rule has brought some relief to our relationship. As a personal example, I appreciate a reasonably organized kitchen. My wife goes on cleaning binges but not on a daily basis and I experienced years of frustration going in to the kitchen to do something and plowing through the chaos. The solution came as a blinding light – if I wanted an organized kitchen – I could do it myself. What a revelation (and relief) for both of us.

Blessed Father

You have given us such a wonderful example

In your living Word.

Patience,

Kindness,

Grace,

Mercy.

Help us mighty Abba

To practice these virtues with our wives.

To turn off the world

And listen.

To be the servant leaders

You call us to be.

 

Physical Attraction - Apr. 18, 2015

Let’s discuss physical attraction. Whether you think Dickens has anything in common with Mario Puzo or not, they both give a wonderful description of an all consuming physical attraction of a man for a woman.  Dickens in Copperfield (I believe - maybe Nickelby) describes a desire so strong that jealousy and violence are thoughts if the man sees his heart’s desire kiss her father goodnight. Puzo describes Michael’s desire to possess as the “thunderbolt” which leaves a man reeling and unbalanced and focused on nothing but the consummation of that desire.

My belief is that initial physical attraction is necessary to begin a relationship and that it comes from Abba; men more from the physical side and women more from the desire to be desired.

CS Lewis wrote a fascinating space trilogy with the final book being “That Hideous Strength”. In that book, a young wife is struggling with her concept of marriage as an institution of equality.  In walking through a garden she thinks:

“Freud said we liked gardens because they were symbols of the female body. But that must be a man’s point of view. Presumably gardens meant something different in women’s dreams. Or did they? Did men and women both feel interested in the female body and even, though it sounded ridiculous, in almost the same way? A sentence rose to her memory. “The beauty of the female is the root of joy to the female as well as the male, and it is no accident the goddess of love is older than the god …. To desire the desiring of her own beauty is the vanity of Lilith, but to desire the enjoying of her own beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both it is in the lover that the beloved tastes her own delightfulness. As obedience is the stairway of pleasure, so humility is the …””.

            In other words, the delight of a woman is in the desire expressed by her lover. While we are talking here about the physical aspect, there is no denying the mental and spiritual components as well.

Most of us average joes have seen some little dork with a beautiful woman and wondered how in the world is that possible and what is his secret. I’m sure there are isolated cases of money, or family, or physical endowment or the gift of gab or some other such triviality; however, it is postulated here that the secret is in the desire of the lover and its expression. Think about it in your own life experience, what is more ego boosting than to have someone desire you, even if it is not someone you would normally look at twice.

It’s obvious from looking around that most people have some degree of physical attraction that ignites relationships and results in marriage. I heard somewhere that “all 19 year old girls are beautiful”, and it must be true considering all the matches that are made.

            Another thing should be said about physical attraction and it can be expressed in a great line from what was a semi-popular film. John Belushi and Blair Brown starred in a 1981 movie (whoa – I almost called it an old movie, which I guess it now is) named Continental Divide. Souchak (Belushi) is a journalist in Chicago who writes exposés about crime and has to escape for a time to the Rocky Mountains. He meets Porter (Brown), an ornithologist and through mutual dislike (a powerful aphrodisiac) they eventually fall in love. After returning to Chicago, Souchak is heart broken but eventually returns to journalism – until Porter visits Chicago to give a lecture.

The two renew their relationship until they finally decide their lives require separation. Souchak sees Porter off at the train station and then decides to accompany her to the next stop, and the next and the next. Showing up at her compartment one time, Souchak says “You’re so beautiful”, to which Porter replies “No I’m not, you’re just in love”. Now, we all know that Blair Brown is indeed beautiful, but that’s beside the point. And it’s more than “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” as well. The physical and mental attraction that initiates love and shared experiences creates the desire that gives both satisfaction in the relationship, the male rejoicing in his desire and the female in that she is the object of that desire.

You want to increase the happiness of your marriage? Start (figurative and literally) chasing your wife around the house. I dated a beautiful young lady when in college who’s Dad was a gynecologist. She related to me that her Dad actually chased her Mom around the house. Your kids may act as if they think it’s gross, but there was a sparkle in the eyes of the young lady telling me this story. What can be more confidence building to a child than to see physical evidence of their Father desiring their Mother.

Prov. 5: 18 – 21: “Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou always ravished with her love.”

Eccl. 9:9: “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity; for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labor which thou takest under the sun.”

 

Blessed Father

We prostrate ourselves before thee,

And proclaim that Thou art Lord,

Perfect in all Thy ways

Have mercy on us holy Father and

Let thy grace rain down upon us.

Grant us Father the desire to seek Thee early,

To know Thee and see Thy power

We say we desire to know Thee

But fail to pray and fail to read Thy Word.

We shall begin today Father to read and pray

And trust in Thee.

We have distorted our own manhood

And Thy perfect concept of marriage;

Pursuing the desires of the flesh

External to the marriage bed

Grant us Father the path of escape

And the will to walk through it.

As Thy servant Joseph fled from sin

Let us flee as well,

Into Thy loving arms

As the prodigals we are.

We shall evermore delight in Thee

And rejoice in Thy kingdom.

 

Man – I Don't Feel Like a Woman Apr. 16, 2015

In the Post “For Men Only” I said this Blog is just that. Now that all the women have left in a huff and are already on the phone telling their friends what an MCP that blogger is, we can discuss them in honest privacy without fear of disturbance. I’m sure any woman who happened to find this obscure blog has a lot of righteous anger, which I (along with most men) have great talent for causing. But they’ll get over it and won’t ever mention it again until the opportunity for elephantine memory kicks in when you say something wrong 20 years from now.

Man, don’t you just love women. Dealing with women is one of my life’s most delightful experiences. At home work or play, women bring such a unique perspective to most every issue that it’s eye opening and certainly one of the great spices of life. But as with scripture, you have to pay close attention to ensure proper understanding and even then we men have only limited capacity. It has been said that there are two things men must know about women – and nobody knows either one.

It’s not only the physical attraction and relationship that exists, but the total mental interaction as well. If any of us could look through Abba’s eyes, we would probably see His wondrous creative nature in the mental differences between the sexes. I mean really, think about it – both sexes have feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, buttocks (please think of that word in the innocent speech of Forrest Gump - “buh-tocks”), torsos (with all the internal bodily systems), necks, arms, heads and brains (regardless of either sexes legitimate opinion to the contrary), yada, yada, yada. So, in my humble opinion, other than the obvious sexual differences, the mental differences are really what distinguish the sexes.

Our Father, Our Lord, Our King

Thou art worthy of better servants,

Of more obedient children.

Let thy grace continue toward us.

We are thine oh Lord

Accept our insufficient praise.

We stand in awe of the beauty of thy creation

And delight in the wonder of thy perfection.

We delight Father in thy wondrous creative skills

As shown in this world.

For thou hast made male and female,

Beyond understanding, beyond comprehension.

We seek thee early Father

And desire understanding of thy creation.

Help us holy Father to be better men,

Better husbands, better fathers, better workers.

We confess our failures to Thee -

We have lived in the flesh rather than apart from it,

We have loved ourselves rather than our wives,

We have raised our children to seek the world.

Forgive us blessed Father,

Change us and make us more Christ-like.

With humble and contrite hearts,

We desire thy Spirit to rule in our lives.

Scriptural Truths 101 - Apr. 15, 2015

         As previously mentioned, my intent is not to get into theological discussions. There’s been plenty of scholars who have dedicated their lives to research and have written a world full of treatises trying to explain this and that about the Bible. Personally, I primarily use the Scofield Reference Edition of the Authorized King James Version. Wikipedia says the KJV is “considered a towering achievement in English literature, as both beautiful and scholarly.” The translation was done by 47 scholars over a seven year period from 1604 to 1611.

            I’m currently reading the MacArthur Study Bible which I’ve wanted for several years because I greatly respect Dr. MacArthur’s teaching. This Bible is based on the New International Version. I heard Dr. MacArthur speak on the parable of the Tares which many scholars have used to say the Church is infected with non-believers. Dr. MacArthur said this interpretation is incorrect based on Jesus’ own explanation of the parable to his Disciples. From Matthew 13:38 – “The field is the world …”. This started my thinking that maybe we should actually read what the Bible says instead of getting caught up in theological argument.

My belief that the Bible means what it says was initiated from Jesus Himself in His conversation with the Sadducees in Mark 12:18-27 (ADDA – Greg Laurie does a great message on the Sadducees. He humorously speaks that because they didn’t believe in the resurrection they were “sad-you-see”). (btw ADDA = Attention Deficit Disorder Alert and is my excuse for going off subject).

Anyway, the Sadducees came to Jesus with a story trying to prove the impossibility of the resurrection. They posed a situation in which seven men married the same woman after each previous husband had died (I’m sure we can all empathize with the men; seems like word would have gotten around). So, Jesus answered their question but then addressed the premise of their entire sect: Mark 12:26 “… have ye not read in the book of Moses how, in the bush, God said I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Issac, and the God of Jacob ...”. In other words, if there’s no resurrection, God would have said “I was the God of …”.  This popular, long time sect of Jewish leaders had been established on a principle that Abba had clarified as false two millennia before.

My advice is to read scripture carefully and look first at what the Word actually and directly says.

Wondrous Abba, Mighty Father.

Have mercy upon us and

forgive the pride we have in intellectualism.

Teach us the truth of your Word

And guide us through thy Spirit.

In Christ’s name we pray.

Broken Glass - Apr. 11, 2015

 

“Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit” Matt. 28:19

___________________________________________________________________

The barred window looked upon a dreary sky. Wisps of clouds meandered by unnoticed by the condemned man. Most of the meal remained untouched, a few crumbs lying on the rough wooden table. Head in hands, the lifelong criminal had no specific thoughts – only the desire to be outside, out of this cold, damp place, free from the impending doom.

He lifted his head at the sound of footsteps approaching, loud and echoing on the stone corridor outside the cell. The key shrieked in the rusty lock as the bolt was withdrawn. Quickly he reached for the hasp of his knife that was no longer there, the knife that had ended the lives of several souls, the knife by which he had gained bread and drink. Even now he thought he might be able to escape and return to the shadows of the City and hide. A man of action, hope had failed long ago.

Three guards shuffled in with steps bold yet shy, the look of death on their faces, uncomfortable with the reminder of their own end to come. They took strategic positions around the cell to protect the priest who now entered. The priest was dressed formally in the garb of planned final rites, the symbols of religion correctly placed on his person. He made the sign of the cross.

The priest took a deep breath to express his righteous sorrow at the execution to come and said “Bert Nichols, are ye reedy to meet yer maker”, just as he had been trained many years before by the old priest who now was Bishop of the Diocese that included the Tower Prison. “I am reedy to hear yer confession and offer cleansing according to the precepts of the church”. “I’ve naught to say Priest. Be gone” replied Bert.

“Bert, ye need to unnerstan, the eternal torments of hell that await one who dies with unshirven. Forever to be tormented by Satan, poked and prodded by his demons with no escape, burning thirst with no hope of a drap of water, constant torture with intense pain, no friends, no hope, no comfort, darkness lightened only by the flaming embers”. Good thought the priest, all the points as taught by the old priest that always resulted in confession.

“Bah, go awn away. I don’t believe ye, an whut’s more, ye don’t believe it yerself”. The priest just wanted this over and the duty done. He was distracted by the thought of meat night at the church; the other brothers whom were always kind to one who had completed an execution duty, normally because they wanted to know the details of the confession.

“Howzat? Whut did ye say”, the priest’s attention was now full on the condemned man. “Do ye now blaspheme against the beliefs of the church in addition to yer sin of murder? Careful Bert, have ye never heard of unforgiveable sin. Confess and be cleansed.” The priest tried to calm his trembling hand.

“I tell ye this, my little brother Priest. The church has always kept to itself and I’ve always kept to myself. Ye come out at times to toss a few crumbs to the old ones who stand by. Never have I seen a priest around the docks where I plied a trade. If ye believed what ye say, and I believed what ye say, we’d be crawling across England on fields of broken glass to save a single soul”.

Adapted

_____________________________________________________________________
 
What is your broken glass? Ask Abba – He will tell you.